MatchDotCom
by kimpy
Summary: When your first online date from MatchDotCom turns into the date from hell, is there any way to salvage your ego? Why yes, in fact, there is. It's called Jasper and Alice. M/F/F slash, originally posted on Twilighted's FFFA.


**MATCHDOTCOM**

**A/N: Just a little something-something to say thank you to my loyal readers. I am forever grateful that you are willing to read what I put forth. **

**Thanks also to my lady-in-waiting, the lovely, precious, and otherwise amazing ladyeire72; she pre-read AND served as beta. I big time puffy heart you.**

**This is dedicated to Lupin4tonks, who asked me to write a threesome for her. **

I hesitate a moment before clicking the _send_ button.

It will be my first online date. Do I honestly feel ready for this?

He proposed meeting at a barbeque party on the roof of his building. He lives in a complex of refinished lofts, and they apparently have communal parties up there all the time.

Still, it feels safe, to agree to this. We'll be in public. Sure, I won't know anyone, but if things don't work out, it will be easy enough to leave. He asked me to bring the booze, and said he would provide food to grill.

_It's never going to get any easier, you know. You need to get yourself out there again._

I heave a big sigh and press the button. It's confirmed. I'm going on a date.

_Fuck._

**~xXx~**

I show up a little bit early, and he brings me on a tour of his loft. A tour? Of his loft? It is comprised of two rooms: His bedroom, and a large room that includes his kitchen and living room. I'm not sure that I really needed a tour to be honest, but he's probably nervous, too. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Our conversation is awkward and a tad stilted, which is to be expected, I guess. I've never met a cyber friend face to face before, so the dynamic is a little weird. This is precisely why I prefer to keep things online—I know exactly what to say and how to say it when I have time to think about it first. It doesn't take long before we run out of things to discuss, so we head upstairs to the party, bringing along my liquid courage.

The crowd is made up of young professionals—beautiful people living beautiful lives doing beautiful things. I feel a little out of place here, rather self-conscious. We choose a table and sit down together. He introduces me to people as they walk by, and he starts several conversations off to the side. It's still a little awkward, but I'm okay. There are a few nice people who sit down to talk to me, and I find that they are actually a lot more pleasant than my supposed date.

_Where the hell is he, anyhow?_

One of the cute boys sitting nearby sees my look of concern, and tells me he saw my date bring some people down to his apartment to peruse his artwork. I remember the garish, childish paintings on his wall, and it dawns on me that he did them himself. I snort out loud remembering how bad they are. I couldn't figure out why the hell he hung them on his wall.

The Cute Boy beams a lovely smile, and asks me what is so funny. I recognize that I'm starting to get a little tipsy, because I answer him truthfully.

"Oh, nothing. I had been wondering why he would want to show someone artwork that was clearly made by a third grader."

Cute Boy laughs heartily. "Oh, trust me, he shows it to anyone who will look. He also describes each one ad nauseum, and asks you to add your own perspectives on it, too."

"Oh, I lucked out. He didn't ask me that. I don't know if I could have been nice enough to say anything kind about it."

"I like you already. You know what? Screw him. Come party with us."

"Oh, well, this is like an online dating thing. I don't know if I could really do that."

"Do you see him anywhere in the vicinity?"

Cute Boy totally has a point. "Um, no, in fact."

"There's your answer. Come on, I'll introduce you to the fun people."

When life gives you lemons, you're supposed to make lemonade, right? I want my lemonade spiked with citron vodka and served by cute cabana boys. How's that, life? Did you get that big middle finger I just gave you?

I help myself to another drink, and meet the fun crowd. Somewhere along the line, I discover that the fucker-also-known-as-my-absentee-date didn't even bring his own food to grill—he was only required to bring the booze. Seriously? Suffice it to say, this man is quite a salesman, because everything he sold me is a total sack of bullshit.

He is still nowhere to be seen, so I go back to our table and retrieve my alcohol—as if I'm going to leave it for that asshole. I rejoin my new friends, and we're actually having a wonderful time—they are just my kind of people. I haven't laughed this hard in ages, and it feels perfect.

The next time I glance over at our table, I see Mr. Matchdotcom sitting there with another woman.

_What the fuck?_

Oh, I'm so not going to let this one go. Just what exactly is this shithead playing at?

"Hey, you finally decided to come back, I see."

"Yeah, where's the booze? That was an entire bottle of vodka!"

"Yes, it was. And it's mine. And you ditched me, so you lost your privileges on that bottle of vodka."

"What am I supposed to serve my friend now?"

"What, this friend? The one sitting with you here?" I point out using large hand gestures. "Is she also a date you arranged on Matchdotcom?"

I see her face flush. "She doesn't even know, does she?"

"I don't know what?"

"Oh, Mr. Genius here arranged dates from Matchdotcom with both of us this afternoon, apparently. Not only that, he asked me to supply the liquor and contributed nothing of his own."

She looks like she just swallowed an entire lemon. "I'll take that as a no. If I were you—and I sort of am—I'd dump his ass."

He glares at me, but I don't care. I want to blow his cover so he never treats someone else like this again. I turn around and return to my new friends. It isn't until I reach their circle that the tears hit me.

I'm so fucking embarrassed. I finally put myself out there, taking a chance, and this is how my courage is rewarded? An egotistical narcissist who thinks the entire world owes him a favor?

_Goddammit. Just, god fucking dammit!_

I feel her arm around my shoulder, then I smell her, then I finally see her. She's soothing, and soft, and kind.

"You know what? We all hate that asshole. You deserve better. Can we encourage you to join us tonight?"

She dabs my tears with a napkin. I'm so angry with myself for crying over that stupid idiot.

"Anything to forget that misery. I can't believe he scheduled another date during ours. Am I that stupid?"

"How were you supposed to know he was going to pull such a stunt? You did the best you could with the information you were given, but the information was bad. You had no way of knowing that."

Her voice is calm and reassuring. She's tiny, just the right size to cuddle into me. Even though it's hot in the direct sunlight, she feels cool and she smells so good. I allow myself to relax into her arms. It feels surprisingly good.

It turns out that Cute Boy is married to Tiny Girl, and their names are Jasper and Alice. I spend the rest of the afternoon talking to them. They are some of the funniest people I've met in ages, and I soon forget that my day started with a date from hell with the Unartistic Asshole from Matchdotcom. In fact, it was totally worth that nightmare for the chance to meet these two. When the sun finally sets, we're still talking on the rooftop. Most of the crowd has left. There are stragglers mingling around, but we're all in our separate groups now.

Out of the blue, Alice blurts out, "Do you want to go dancing?"

Dancing? I haven't done that in ages.

"Hell yes, I want to go dancing!"

Since we've all had plenty to drink, and the night is warm, we decide to walk to the nightclub. On the way, we loop our arms around each other, so we're walking in a row across the sidewalk. I know that the alcohol is clouding my responses, but still—it feels so good, so real, to be close to them. It's been so long, and I didn't realize how much I had missed this close contact.

Our feet lead us to the best bar for dancing in town, La Cage Aux Folles. Before we walk inside, Jasper kisses me on the top of my head, and Alice kisses me on the cheek. It feels so natural, as if I've known them forever.

As we step through the door, the music is blaring, and I feel the bass pounding through my body. There is nothing quite like the feeling of the music taking you over—it's like a drug. I don't even stop to consider what I'm doing; I make my way straight for the dance floor, which is surrounded by metal cages. I walk up to one and grab the bars. I close my eyes and absorb the sensation. My body is on automatic pilot, doing whatever the music tells it to do. The music and my body are in cahoots, and I have no say in what is taking place. I may as well be a marionette but I'm totally okay with that.

One song flows into the next, and I shift my movement to the new beat, allowing the music to take me where I need to go. I smell Alice's distinctive scent again, drifting across the dance floor, so I know that she's nearby. My eyes are still closed; I'm relying upon my other senses to guide me at the moment. I feel her hands on my hips, behind me. I hang on to the cage tightly, and we sway together.

Suddenly, that isn't enough—I need her next to me. Grabbing her hands, I tug on them to indicate I want more of her. I wrap her arms around my waist and melt into her warm body. As my hands move over her arms, all I can think about is how soft she is, so different than a man's arms. It feels nice, and I didn't expect that, but I most certainly like it.

The bass is still causing everything to vibrate, including the cages. I can feel the bars buzzing in my grip. I try to pay attention to the feeling of Alice's body conforming to mine, but it's so hard—the music, the cage, the lights, my own cloudy mind all conspire against me. Her hips are pressed against my ass, and while it isn't a delicious, hard cock, it is still very erotic. She expertly thrusts her hips into me with every beat, and it feels fucking incredible.

It doesn't take long before Jasper decides to add some fun to the mix. I feel his hands over mine, and my eyes pop open in response. He stands in front of me, looking me in the eyes, and begins to sway along with us. He presses himself into the bars of the cage, and I can see how much he's enjoying himself. His hard cock is in between two bars, which only emphasizes his package. Impulsively, I squat down so that my face is right in front of his cock, and I rub my hand over it. He starts thrusting between the bars, trying to maximize the contact between his erection and my palm. I find that the bars get in the way, and that is simply un-fucking-acceptable.

Apparently, my M.O. for the evening is hedonistic frenzy, because I grab Alice and run inside the cage to meet up with Jasper. The wicked grin that meets us is exactly what I am looking for. Alice reaches around me to grasp the bars behind Jasper, so that I'm suddenly sandwiched between them in a cocoon of erotic sensation, yet also surprisingly protected and happy, too.

I've never felt so good, so alive. These sensations are all new, but I don't let that thought stop me from accepting these feelings. I'm just going to let this unfold in front of me. Nothing planned, or orchestrated, just a total focus on pure pleasure. I'll think about the broader meaning tomorrow, or next week, or perhaps never. Right now, I simply want to feel good, and I open my arms, literally and figuratively, to these two.

She turns me around, so I am facing her, and Jasper's hands move to my hips. She moves her hands to my face, tracing her finger over my lips. I feel my face break into a slow smile, and am surprised when her lips replace her fingers. My eyes pop open, and I see her looking straight into my eyes while she kisses me.

This kiss is completely novel. I don't have any framework from which to assess it. Her mouth is very moist, and again, soft. That seems to be her best attribute, the softness. It is the measure by which I define her against my past experience. I really like this soft kiss, and I open my mouth to ask her for more.

Her breathing pattern changes, becoming rather gaspy and I think I hear her lightly moan. Jasper bends down over my shoulder to whisper in my ear.

"Do you have any idea how fucking hot it is to see her kissing you like that?"

I can feel his erection behind me, pressed into my ass, so I have assurances that it is, indeed, very hot to him.

On a normal day, under normal circumstances, I would be full of questions for myself. "Who are these people?" "Is it okay to hang out with a couple I just met today?" "Why are they both kissing me?"

_Wait a second, they're both kissing me?_

I pause my thoughts for a split second to determine that yes, indeed, they're both kissing me. Front and back. And goddamn, if that isn't fucking stellar. I'm in a Jasper/Alice sandwich, and I've never felt anything so amazing in my life. I decide right then that I positively love being the filling in a sandwich!

I return Alice's soft mouth and her kisses with vigor, and I'm not going to lie, it is really starting to turn me on. The music, the pumping beat, her soft lips, his hard cock—they're all doing me in. I am awash in sensation.

They both pull themselves closer to me. I'm sweating, out of breath, excited, and simply over-stimulated in the best of ways. I start to pull back, and she whispers in my ear, "Should we go back to our loft?"

_Wait. Huh? Go back their place? _

The pistons don't move as quickly as they would if I was sober, so it takes me a moment to process the meaning of her words.

_Oh my god, they want to fuck me!_

My heartbeat increases rapidly as the concept secures itself in my head. Before my brain fully engages, my mouth shouts out, "God, yes!"

My hands are in theirs, and we run out of the club. When we're finally out in the night air, we stop to catch our breath.

She kisses me again. "We're really going to do this?"

I feel like I can't speak, my mouth is too stunned. I choke out my response. "Yes. Yes!"

In a series of blurred movements, we get from the club to their loft, somehow. On the elevator, it is a free-for-all grope fest, a tangle of arms and legs and mouths. I have no idea who is doing what, but I don't care—it all feels amazing. My nerves are alive and stimulated in ways that are completely new to me. The three of us dash from the elevator to their front door, and she kisses me while we wait for him to open the door. Once inside, he slams it shut, locks it, and looks at both of us with hungry eyes. Alice and I squeal and giggle as if we're teenagers, and she grabs my arm, dragging me to their bedroom. She tugs me up a flight of stairs, with Jasper following closely behind us. I feel my clothing being removed, but I have no idea who is responsible for what. Before I know it, I'm fully naked in front of their bed, but they are both completely clothed. We continue with the soft kisses, but they've increased in urgency.

I break way from my soft kiss. "Hey, fair is fair here! We all need to be naked!"

His breath is in my ear. "I'm certainly not going to argue with that." He takes my hand and brings it to his fly. I know what to do from there. While he's dropping his pants, I turn 180 degrees and start working on her shirt. I impatiently lift it over her head, and my hands go straight to her tits. Her nipples harden under my hands, and I yank her bra off impatiently. I've never felt another woman's breasts before, and I suddenly understand why guys are so attracted to them—they're amazing! Soft and warm, but so responsive to my touch. Her breasts are heavenly, and I quickly bring my mouth down to give them a nice warm welcome to the night air.

Jasper has a different agenda, however, and brings our bodies over to the bed, impatiently pushing me down. He leans over me and gives her a very full, open kiss, and it makes me all kinds of excited to watch it happening. It's so voyeuristic and hot. She reaches forward and rubs his hard cock, which is just inches from my face. I can't help but join her. He lets forth a huge groan in response to our attentions.

"Baby, I need to see you work her over. Can you do that for me?" He whispers in a low, husky voice.

She doesn't even reply, she just hops on top of me, so our naked flesh is finally touching. I suck in my breath, the feeling is so intense.

"Are you all right, love?" She asks with such care and concern, I'm taken aback.

"Yes! God, yes. You feel amazing."

She gives me a chaste kiss on the lips, then moves her attention to my hard nipples. She pinches both of them at once, and fuck if that isn't hot. No one has ever pinched them before, but it feels so good.

"Again! Please, again!"

I'm rewarded once again, and I feel it straight in my clit. She has her leg between mine, and I start to clench around her, needing friction acutely.

I can hear Jasper working his rod behind me, grunting from his efforts.

"Baby, would you pay attention to her pussy while I work her tits?" she asks him.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Suddenly, we're reliving the elevator, with mouths and hands everywhere, but I don't know what belongs to whom. Someone is licking my clit with dogged determination, and someone is making my breasts feel so lovely that they must have died and gone to heaven without me. I feel fingers entering my pussy at the same moment the suction on my clit picks up.

The deep attentions to my pussy, clit, and breasts are like the orgasm trifecta—it is impossible to stop coming when all three are engaged at the same time. I don't even have time to warn them, it comes on so quickly and powerfully. I devolve into nothing more than a series of gasps and simply let the orgasm take me wherever it wants to go.

"You're so beautiful when you come. Did you know that?" Alice whispers to me.

She leans over me to kiss Jasper, and he groans. "Fuck, I can taste her on you, baby!"

I scoot out from underneath of them and capture her in between our bodies. I run my hands over her ass, up and down her sides, and cup her breasts. I tell her the private thought running through my mind. "I need to taste you," I say.

I'm not sure what induced me to say that, exactly. I've never before considered so much as kissing another woman. For some unknown reason, it seems like the most natural thing in the world to me. I've tasted myself before, so I know that she won't be remarkably different; we both have the same plumbing, after all. I am simply incredibly curious about the experience. How will she feel in my mouth? What exactly will she taste like? Can I even do anything that will arouse her?

Jasper overhears my words and adds to the mix. "I want to fuck you from behind and watch you eat my wife's pussy."

"Please," is all I can manage to squeak out.

While he grabs a condom, my soft girl lies down in front of me. I grab a few pillows to put under her hips to boost her up. She's tiny, and if Jasper is going for doggie-style, I want to make sure the mechanics of three of us coming together will work. I'm incredibly aroused just imagining this experience. As long as I'm doing this, I'm going to do it correctly. Who knows if the opportunity will ever arise again?

I take the time to give her a deep kiss before I head down her body. I palm her breasts, then follow up by taking her nipple into my mouth. There is a delightful contrast of her soft skin and hard nipples, and it feels incredible on my tongue. I feel like I cannot get enough of her soft body.

I circle my tongue around her navel on my southbound journey. Her beautiful pussy is waxed bare and I take my time to open her lips and see what she offers me. She's incredibly wet, and it's so satisfying to know that I am capable of arousing either a man or a woman. It makes me feel powerful. It makes me feel alluring in a way I've never before imagined.

I have no idea what I'm doing, of course, but I certainly know what I like when someone has their mouth on me. I take my tongue and glide the tip over her inner lips. She immediately gasps, and I dart my eyes up to her face to see what's wrong. Nothing, it turns out—she is perfectly happy with my mouth. Reassured, I turn my attention back to her.

I see her clit perfectly; she is so aroused it is peeking out just for me. I decide to swirl my tongue around her, and alternate my licks with a hard suck, varying the intensity of pleasure I give her. As I get ready to suck on her clit once again, I feel his hard cock up against my ass.

"You ready?" He says, gruffly. He has the best sex voice in the world, I decide right then. I don't answer him, I merely thrust my ass higher in the air by resting my weight on my bent forearms. In an instant, I'm caught between her moans and his groans—another fuckhot sandwich. To feel her silky lips in my mouth and his hard cock working me from behind is indescribable. Words completely fail to capture this level of bliss.

I add my fingers to the mix, slipping them inside her while I suck on her clit, repeating what she did for me. Fortunately, she comes just as quickly as I did, too. I feel so incredibly proud that I could get her off so well. Once she stops pulsing around my fingers, I gently slide out of her, knowing that she's still a little sensitive.

"Baby, I need you to stop for a minute, okay?" she says to him.

"No!" I shout, desperate for the sensation to continue.

She kisses me to calm me down. "Shh, it will just be for a minute, but you'll love it. I promise."

"Where's the box, Jazz?"

He slides his penis out of me, and I miss it almost instantly. He walks across the room and brings a box back to the bed. She opens it and pulls out a dildo.

_What the hell?_

She straps it on to herself, generously lubing it up. She steps behind her husband and lubes his ass, too.

_Oh my god, so hot. So fucking hot._

She has me lie on my back, so her husband can fuck me while she pegs him. The dildo she is using happens to also vibrate, and I can even feel it inside of me.

"Oh, fuck," he responds once she's all the way inside him.

He sets the pace of the thrusting, and she moves very slowly, so that the vibration is more constant. He is grunting and moaning on top of me, eyes closed, off in another dimension altogether. I can feel another orgasm rising in me, so I reach down and stroke my clit to help it along.

I can hear her whispering in his ear, encouraging him to come hard for us. I start to move my hips to meet his thrusts, his cock burying itself deeper within me every time.

"Com… I'm c… coming!" he groans out.

I'm frantically circling over my clit, desperate to join his release. I start to explode as his thrusting slows down, and it's perfect. I just had two of the most incredible orgasms in my life. We collapse on the bed together, spent. He tosses his condom into the garbage while she gets up to wash her hands.

When she returns, she slips under the covers with us, both of them wrapped around me. It feels so safe and happy, being naked and together like this. Just as I'm drifting off to sleep, a thought pops into my brain, and I snort out laughter.

"I guess matchdotcom did a pretty good job today, didn't they? Who knew we'd end up in a threeway thanks to them?"


End file.
